Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Sometimes it's okay...

... Not to be okay.

I've never had many problems keeping my hormones in check (though Gavin might say otherwise) All through my pregnancy I'd say I kept quite a level head. Well as much as usual. Of course I had my good days and bad days, happy days and not so happy days but there weren't many more sad days than usual. Even once Logan was born I'd say it's been a pretty happy experience. Pre/Post-Natal depression hasn't been a problem for me. Depression never has. However yesterday I found myself in a bad mood. A very bad mood. For no apparent reason. I was picking fights with Gavin for no reason. I was getting angry at everything he was doing, even though it wasn't any more irritating than usual. Then he began the 'why are you so angry? What's wrong?' thing. All the while I kept telling him there was nothing wrong. Then I began thinking to myself am I not allowed to be angry. Just be angry for the sake of it. Just be angry cause that's the emotion I feel today. And today I have woken up and decided yes. I was allowed to be angry for no reason. Having a baby is a pretty big deal, we can all agree. It's a pretty stressful, life-changing ordeal, that comes with a lot of emotions. One of which for me yesterday was anger. Today that emotion, surprisingly at 5am, is gratitude. Tomorrow it may be empowered, it might be proud, it might be anxious, it might just be contented. Whatever it is, I've realised it's okay to be angry once in a while. It's okay to have a down day, a sad day. Motherhood isn't all  about 'rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along'

Kirsty x

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